hollerrr: missing brynn

i am going to be very open in this post and express my feelings on a personal level. please don't judge me.

by far my favorite picture of brynn, still makes me laugh everytime!

i am missing brynn tonight.. well i have been missing brynn ever since the night she left us. the hole in my heart can never be filled. i don't understand why she had to leave us this way, and i don't think i ever will.

as much as i try to put on a front that i am ok, i am struggling more than ever. i feel like the more time has gone by the more it has settled in that this is reality and it truly feels impossible. impossible to imagine life without brynn, impossible to move forward and just go on with life like nothing is wrong. i hate the fact that brynn is gone, gone until its my turn to go. people say that time on this earth is so short, and i am sure it is once your gone, but for me living in this world it seems like forever until i will be reunited with my sister and best friend.

i was reading someone's blog today and it was about them losing their grandparent. they said how they were able to say their last goodbyes and tell them how much they loved them.

i wish so badly i could have had that with brynn. i decided to write down what i would have said to her if i knew it was going to be the last time i saw her.

SISTA! I don't think you have any idea how much i look up to you. i am so glad i grew up and knew how to not be a tattle tale so you would trust me. i am so glad i became part of the sistahood and you and i were able to grow so close this past year. i literally don't think we have been in one fight for a long time, which is incredible for us! i consider you one of my closest friends and lucky for me i get to call you my sister, i get to be stuck with you forever!

i especially want to thank you for all the laughs, weird conversations in the hot tub, your attempted rapping, your quick witty remarks, helping me learn how to laugh at myself, being there for me when i was going thru break ups and showing me its ok to be single, lifetime/80's movie marathons, putting your butt in my face on the boat numerous times, our countless chats of getting skinny and then going out to eat right after saying we will 'start tomorrow'. getting me addicted to chips and salsa, watching kardashians and bachelor togeth and talking like the kardashians, having extremely lazy days by the pool, being my karaoke partner (you will never be replaced!) showing me that its cool to go to school and telling me i can do it, making me extremely jealous of all your trips (i can't stand the fact that we never got to do our greece trip!!!), showing me that life is meant to be lived, and teaching me to be true to myself.

i don't think i could ever tell you enough how much i love you and thank you for everything you have taught me in your short life. i can only dream to even coming close the the woman you are and i can't wait to see you again. i love you and miss you so much brynn. please be with me all the time so i will be able to get thru this.

i will love you forever my brynncess aka brynnasaurus aka sista aka bean aka bran aka kim